Jodie Foster's Army

I like Spotify. It's free and plays all the music I like. I, however, am not a huge fan of how it posts on my Facebook page what I have been listening to.

I never really listened to what I would call "pop music." I'm sure the kids are calling it something different. I think back to when I started to learn about music as a kid. I suppose I did like some popular music and remember getting albums for Christmas that most other kids got but then I remember being 11 maybe and really liking The Boomtown Rats. This was not what I would call a popular band at the time. This moved on to bands like Bauhaus, The Smiths, The Cure, Siouxsie and the Banshees... etc. I also liked some Ska bands, some Reggae, a fair amount of punk rock. I think most of these bands are considered "pop music" now but they were not at the time. The more underground music, dress, and activities are all pretty routinely accepted today. Tattoos and piercings are no big deal. Purple or blue hair are no big deal. All black wardrobes covered in safety pins are no big deal. And The Cure is a pretty popular band (albiet considered a "classic" band, which means they are old.) In 1987 my dad would yell for me to turn the music down and he would insult Robert Smith by saying he sounded like Julia Childs trying to sing. And I would get mad at my dad and slam my bedroom door.

In 1987 people would scream mean things out the car window at you as you walked home from The Vandals concert with your multi-colored hair, creepers, black circles around your eyes...
we considered ourselves weirdos and we aligned with other weirdos.

               Anything with skeletons was considered cool. My punkrock dog is cool.

Even as I got older I think my musical taste stayed a bit more left of center (yes, Nirvana and Soundgarden became huge but they weren't in 1989 when I first started listening to them and going to the concerts.) As time has gone on though, I started liking this thing I call pop music more and more. I really like Rihanna. It started out as a workout thing but soon became just hanging out at the house. At first I hid it but now I am fine with it. I like a lot of different kinds of music and I'm not ashamed.

Except...

I kinda like that new Taylor Swift song about never, ever getting back together and I'm embarassed when Facebook rats me out. I blame my "lack of pop music as a child" for this.

Happy December all. Only one month left in 2012!



 

Political rant- maybe don't read me?

I can understand the hate. In a way. I really can.

The election went my way. My personal and political beliefs. My thoughts on how this country should behave. How people should behave. The election was good for me. It was.

So...you're a person who is mad. So mad that you feel hatred and rage inside you. You get angry at the Facebook posts, angry at the bumper sticker, angry at Rachel Maddow...whatever.

I'd like to know what you are so very mad about?

Really.

Here's my thing: I feel like the majority of the country decided that basic human rights were more important than money. That's it.

You're mad because you think ONE guy (Obama) is the cause of our bad economy. In four years he ALL BY HIMSELF screwed the whole country financially? Really? He may not be doing the exact right thing but do you honestly think he is the reason? Really?

You're mad because maybe you're anti-choice? You hate that women are on a continued path to control their own bodies? Okay, I don't get this but can respect the passion you have. You think abortion is murder. Got it. Sorry you feel sad. Really, I am. Keep standing out there on Lomas with your signs. That is your right. Maybe volunteer at the teen pregnacy clinic helping girls out. Keep up the good work. Do what's right for your heart. But again, if you think ONE GUY makes abortion happen all willy nilly everywhere...ummmm... I don't even know what to say here.

You're mad about welfare. This is the biggest thing I see. Okay. I kinda get it. You work hard. You've never gotten food stamps. You've struggled. Do you honestly believe that EVERY SINGLE PERSON on welfare is a lazy dick? Or do you think maybe it is that 16 year old mom who opted not to have an abortion and is struggling to take care of her kid?

You're mad about healthcare. Let me tell you about two kinds of people who often do not and will not have health care through their employers. Waitstaff and daycare workers. Yes, lazy dick may also not have it but lazy dick goes to UNMH which you pay for with your property taxes already. So the next time you drop your kid off at the daycare or have a nice meal at the diner down the street, think about how great it will be for those people to get some fucking antibiotics when they have strep throat.

I would be mad if it had gone another way. Mad watching smug FOX news relish in it. Mad that people voted based on their bible. Your bible is awesome. It is not my government. I'd be mad that the majority of America decided that basic human rights are their rights only. This seems like bullshit to me.

I am a liberal. I don't want your guns. I don't expect you to understand how an abortion might save a girl's life. I don't need you to give me or anyone else a handout. However, I refuse to look my gay friends in the face and say, "I am a more important person than you." And if you are a decent human being you should refuse this too.

I just want to be the best person I can. And I feel like maybe a bit more than half the country wants this too.

                          A family. Photo by the brilliant, amazing (and gay) Karen Milling




 

Melancholy

Fall is here! Hurrah! I love it when it gets a little colder. I like Halloween and Thanksgiving. I like boots and sweaters. I like it all.

It also means 2012 is almost over. Stupid 2012. You have not been so good to me. No offense.

How does one turn their luck around? Elsa tells me to put my wants and hopes out into the universe and then it will give it back. Erin told me to watch this documentary about making shit happen (I still haven't.) It's not like things are terrible or something but they haven't quite gone as I'd hoped. Little things, bigger things... life's okay and then something kinda sucky will happen.

Aaron and I finished watching the mini-series Mildred Pierce last night (damn you're so awesome Kate Winslet!) I would rather be me than Mildred. So I got that going for me, I guess.

I did decide to do something radical with my life recently and I went ahead and quit my second job. I've been working halftime for 6 years as the Administrative Director at Albuquerque Preschool Cooperative. I love the school and the people and it has been truly a joy to work there. I'm leaving to work only at Tricklock. ONLY work my theatre job. Whoa. Crazypants. No, Tricklock did not suddenly come into a shit ton of money. Aaron and I will have to get creative about our budget but I think we can do it. I cannot wait to work ONE job. Will I actually be able to finish things on time? Will I sleep better? Will I accomplish most of what I want to accomplish? Will I actually get to spend more time with my husband? The answer is yes. I have decided. YES.

My last day is in late spring and then Aaron and I leave for our epic Europe trip. See you soon Prague.

                                                    We really do like each other

I recently finished book one of yet another vampire/werewolves/wizards book for teenagers. I think instead of picking up book number two I will spend the fall reading depressing, heartbreaking books. I quite like books like this. A little Larry Brown or William Faulkner (maybe I just like southern writers?)  I'll just embrace the difficulties, the season, the year. Look upward, push forward but also read this Cormac McCarthy book Drew gave me.

Healing, healing, healing...still healing. Things are going very well on that front. Feeling better every day. I did have to step out of an acrobatic move in the new show. Drew had to step in (speaking of Drew.) I just didn't think I'd be up for the challenge before we opened. I'm getting it back though.

NEW SHOW!!! Opens this Thursday. I really, really, really like it. It is weird, dark, funny, and strange. Come see it! It's called Finger Mouth and I'll be all over FB with it here soon. Yesterday was our long tech day and it was so much fun. Just Hannah, Nando, Alex, and me working away. It reminded me of early Tricklock days. We were laughing and working and getting shit done. We stopped mid day for burgers and beers and then we went back to work. It was a great day. I can't wait to continue the journey of this show.

I hope October is treating you well. Cheers. xo



 

Nothing. Sup with you?

I posted an update on Facebook because I had quite a few e-mails and FB messages asking how I was so I thought a post would let everyone know. Only not everyone knows I had surgery so I ended up with a bunch of "what's up?" questions. Hi friends. Thanks for caring.

On Wednesday the 26th I had a robotic myomectomy. Basically I had some non-cancerous tumors inside me and a robot went in and took them out. One was about 2 inches, one was the size of a peach, and one was the size of a large orange. Yikes. If you read my previous blog you know about how I was feeling but basically it was bad. Big tumors inside you are bad. For about a year I was exhausted, bloated, lethargic, in pain, crabby, etc. I've been pretty miserable for a while. My mom came into town to help take care of me (she rocks!) and she and my husband took me in at 5:30am for my 3 hour surgery.

I'm five days out and I already feel like a new woman! I still have a pretty sharp, burning pain in one of my incisions (I have five small ones) as it heals but my other pain is gone, my head feels clearer, and I just feel happier. Hurrah! I'm looking forward to getting my freaking life back.

Some things I learned:
1. I have amazing dexterity in my toes. I can't bend over and pick anything up so I pick things up with my toes.
2. My floor gets really dirty with two cats and a dog if I can't bend over every minute and pick shit up.
3. An efficient, all business nurse is better when you're in pain than a friendly chit-chatty nurse. Thanks Nurse Denise for my night in the hospital.
4. Laughing hurts when you are trying to heal from abdomen surgery.
5. My husband is really funny.

I have two teleconferences today and rehearsal tomorrow night but Wednesday will be my first big day back.  Bring it on. I never knew I could miss the gym so much.

                       Me in my messy bed. I've been watching a lot of movies and Law and Order reruns.



Some other things that have been happening in case you were wondering...

I turned 40. I went to Curacao (a tiny island off the coast of Venezuela) with 8 amazing friends. We swam, snorkeled, ate, drank, and basically had a rad time. On my birthday proper I was stung pretty badly by a jellyfish. Aside from having the normal horrible experience of jellyfish venom, I also had a severe allergic reaction which involved a high speed trip to medical help. I don't actually really remember much about the night but I've heard the story and it involved phrases like, "The paramedics starting treating you for cardiac arrest" and "and then you turned blue." It was scary and I do remember thinking I was going to die. For real. I have the most amazing friends ever who rallied and did everything they could to save me and to help Hannah and Katy who had also been stung and were in bad shape. Most of all, I am certain that my incredible husband saved my life. His quick thinking and calm care saved me. I'm sure of it. He also has PTSD from the experience. I owe him some foot rubs for sure. If you want to read a better story about this trip read this: http://www.nosignsinenglish.com/2012/09/what-i-learned-on-vacation.html

I am opening a new play in 4 weeks! It is called Finger Mouth and it is loosely based on hysteria and medical treatments in the 1800's in France. It was a rough start but the past few months have been amazing. Really joyful creation. It is a weird show. It's funny but dark with shadow puppets and other strange things. It may not be everyone's cup of tea but I am super proud of it. It's been a while since I made something like this and I can't wait to open it.

I am shifting my work life. I can't really go into right now but I will be focusing in on one job and I am super excited. It should relieve some of the heavy stress and pressure I have and will allow for true direction. I'll write more about this when I can.

Other than that I plan on enjoying the fall and am looking forward to the new year! We're doing a few things around the house. I plan to pick back up my workout routine. We're thinking of heading to Seattle for the holidays and are planning our epic trip to Europe this spring.

Good things are on the horizon. Out with the yucky, in with the good.
Breathe. Open. Yes.

Here we go.






 

A series of random thoughts

It's been a while (again.) Hi. How's things?

Okay, I don't like to post personal posts on Facebook. I try to keep my feelings about people who have died, my personal problems, political issues (although that one slips out some) to myself and keep my feed posts to random silly thoughts and updates on my theatre events. I think Facebook is silly and a way of promoting community so I try to keep to that. This is not a judgement on anyone who shares more. At all. I just don't think it is for me. I talk too much as it is and as I get older I realize that my personal life and feelings and other people's private secrets are not everyone else's business. I say this because I will probably post this link on Facebook for my friends to read. If strangers read it, sorry for the overshare.

I blog (once every few months) because it feels good to write stuff down. I'm not a journaler. I had a brief period in my early 20's when I wrote regularly about my feelings but I just don't anymore. Something about writing it down and letting it go out into the world feels scary and nice. It's also a nice break from grant research which monumentally hurts my brain. Also, I wish we lived in Canada. I google "theatre, general operating, grants" and 9,000 grants for Arts in Canada pops up.
Canada rocks.

I am at home working because I am having some health issues and I'm in a bit of pain. The short version is that I have some non-cancerous tumors in my uterus and I'm having surgery on September 26th. I've had a rough time for a while and it's nice to know that indeed something IS wrong with me and perhaps after surgery I will feel much better. I'm not nervous about the surgery and looking forward to it being over. I will say that sometimes tumors hurt a lot and despite what some brilliant minds may say my reproductive system does not have the ability to shut that whole thing down. .
Speaking of which, as a teenager I always wished it was the 1960's. Hippies and free love and poetry and crazy art and kick ass music. Now, thanks to the GOP and their views of female reproductive rights, it IS like the 60's. Thanks guys. I can only assume they are functioning under the belief that their brains are in their pants. My brain is in my head. Thanks.

I am really hoping that my yo-yo, haggered, tired shit will mellow a bit once my body stops fighting the aliens in my body. I would like a renewal of energy, motivation, and balance. Even if the surgery doesn't do this physically, I am hoping it does psychologically. Mind over matter. I'm tired of feeling tired.

                                             This is me tired, but for good reasons (camping.)


Okay, upon reflection, I will not post this on Facebook. Just letting some thoughts out.

Kisses.







 

Gratitude

Friday night was the opening of A Digital Silouhette which is the 10 year celebration of our summer education program The Manoa Project. We asked three of our previous playwriting winners to write short plays for the show. They did and they are awesome. Seriously. I just love watching this show and am so sad it is ending today at 2pm. If you are reading this, come to T-Lab at 2pm and check out these new plays.
They. Are. Amazing.

At the new space...

Florence + The Machine plays over the sound system.
Laughing from the dressing room, I enter to Hannah and Amanda doing some kind of monkey dance. 
Alex lays on the couch and I say, "What's up Alex?" and he says "Totally engaged."
Christmas lights are house lights.
Cookies are being devoured.
People are talking and laughing and hugging and smiling. Everywhere.
Everywhere is talkinglaughingsmilinghugging.
Everywhere.

Looking around, I had this rush of love. I'm so lucky. I'm so lucky. I'm so lucky.

Sometimes it is good to step back, look around and see all the good and beauty that is around you. Great friends, amazing art, a beautiful space, an incredible show,
cutest husband ever smiling at me from the corner of the room.

Life's pretty good.

                           Our new space isn't quite this cool but it is still pretty awesome.

Trite

Yep. I'm writing a blog about television.

Kevin R. Elder, my Co-AD at the theatre, recently told me that I should watch the HBO show Girls. He said he thought I'd like the writing. I had read a bit about it and all I knew was that it was being likened to Sex and the City.
I watched it and I really, really liked it. I see Kevin again (as I do most everyday) and he tells me that after a positive critical beginning, it is getting a lot of bad press and reviews. This interests me so I go home and search around.

Here are my thoughts on all of this (and I will digress here now for a bit...)

A long time ago there was this show called Sex and the City. I had heard about it but I didn't have cable and didn't watch a lot of tv at the time. One summer, I went on tour with my theatre company. On this tour with me was a young man who had recently broken my heart and his GIRLFRIEND who (and she had every right) hated my guts for reasons I don't care to go into it. I loved my theatre show, my company members, being on tour etc. but by the time we got to Winnipeg (which was the last stop) I was pretty collapsed. It was July in Manitoba so it was 175 degrees with 125% humidity. The lady Byron and I were staying with was a little bit coo-coo pants as she actually kept track of how much toilet paper we used. However, she had dvds of the first season of Sex and the City. I was all done with everything at this point so Byron (also exchausted from the tour and probably from taking care of me all the time) and I watched them. And I loved them.
I was 29 years old, confused, making bad choices, in love with a complicated unavailable man, etc.
I became a very big SATC fan. This show also got a lot of flack.
It's trite.
It's not real.
All those women do is eat and drink and that is not realistic. When do they work? How do they stay so skinny? How do they have money? This could never happen in real life. Etc.

Who fucking cares?

I get home from tour and thanks to a birthday I become a 30 year old female artist, semi-broke, working 3 jobs, dating jerkfaces, always trying to lose those last 10 pounds that will totally fix everything that is wrong in my life.
Why do I want to watch a tv show about what's real? Why would I want to watch a show about 4 women going to work, cooking chicken breasts and stupid vegetables for the week, selling their clothes to Buffalo Exchange for some extra cash? Seriously? I wanted to escape and have a good time. I wanted to go to my friend Kristin's house with 4 dvds and a bottle of vodka (which started as cosmopolitans and then just became shots of vodka) and watch TELEVISION. It's television.

Okay, I digressed a lot. My point is that the tv show Girls is not realistic perhaps. They're not terribly likeable.Yes, if some of these girls were my sister or friend I might be like, "Buck up and get a fucking job." but they're not. They're pretend. I like watching their bad choices and stupidity. I like the writing and think it is clever and funny and dirty.

Maybe I am secretly afraid when I like something considered trite. I'm a leader of an experimental theatre company. I fancy myself a writer, a reader, an artist, a world traveler.
But everything can't be the fucking Sound and the Fury, you know?
If critics don't like it, why don't they go write a show about real life with likeable people?
Jeez.

Thanks for letting me bitch. You rock. 

My version of balance

Whoa. It's been a while.
I'm  going to try to blog more often even if the only person who reads these is my husband (hi Aaron!)

I am on vacation time still. Which is actually waking up at 5am and getting tired around 8pm. I woke up this morning at 4:30. Ugh.

I went on a cruise with my mom to celebrate our upcoming 40th and 65th birthdays. I had never been on a cruise before. They are weird. Weeeeeeird. I think I may like a more mellow cruise line better. This Carnival cruise was like a big floating Wal-Mart. It was just not my scene. My mom and I found our niche though. Early morning by the pool was really quiet. We'd drink coffee and lay in the sun reading. The pool would be empty so I could swim. We'd have breakfast...then maybe a pina colada. It was pretty cool. Right when it would get crazypants we'd be ready to go have lunch. We'd sit on the balcony and talk or read. It was really pretty nice.

We stopped in Honduras, Belize and Mexico. The first stop in Honduras freaked me out at the start. You stepped off the boat into this made up shopping mall town that was clearly created just for the cruise people. It was all fake and strange. The cruise people were like, 'this is so great! Look at that t-shirt!' and I was like, 'where is Honduras?' but as we went further in and finally got on the bus, things got good. And the rest of the stops were lovely. I love Belize so very much and Cozumel was gorgeous. We snorkeled with dolphins (if you dive down and pull a piece of sea grass out they will chase you and take it from you!! I did this over and over again.) There were a lot of "firsts" for me on this trip. First time scuba diving, ziplining, and driving a car in a foreign country. Ziplining is the coolest thing ever. I would like to incorporate ziplining in everything I do. We ended in New Orleans and we had a blast there too. Great food, a swamp tour, the voodoo museum.

My mom is rad. We had a good time. :)

One last thing about the cruise, I am not a skinny girl. I have never really been skinny and never will be skinny. I like shapes and sizes and think as long as you are active, challenging yourself, and don't put too much junk in your vessel you are doing okay. I'm not judgmental at all. However, I think maybe some people shouldn't wear bikinis. I want to say, 'good for you! You go big girl with your tiny bikini' but I just couldn't. Sorry. Please check out a one piece or a tankini. Beyonce does it and she is hot. Thanks.

I feel pretty rejuvenated. Refreshed. Ready to come back to work. This is the first time since February 2011 that I took a trip and feel like it was a vacation. A true vacation. I know, poor me, right? Oh no first world princess are your VACATIONS not living up to expectations??? I know, but still...

In February of 2011 things changed radically for me. It has been amazing and remarkable in my new job and new direction and focus but it is also intense. Europe last summer was AMAZING but it was work. My little trips here and there were great but they were family or baby shower or work. I am a girl who needs a vacation. I don't have kids and while demanding, my job is very flexible. I don't work 8-5 Monday through Friday. I have an amazing team of people who do their jobs and I can check in as needed. Aaron and I aren't rich but we do okay. We make enough to live simply and take a few trips here and there. I need to travel. I really do.My work pattern is like this: go, go, go and then drop. I used to hate this about myself. I'm manic, I'd say, I need balance. But really, I'm manic and I embrace that. I need trips that are exciting, adventurous, lazy, and joyful. It makes me better at what I do and who I am. I reflect and refresh. And then I come back with new ideas, goals, and oddly- a sense of balance.

I guess my point is, I feel pretty good. Got home and spent much needed quality time with Aaron. Went to Trader Joe's, cleaned the house, did some laundry, cooked some food, caught up a bit. I'm ready to rock and roll this summer.

Also, I'm looking forward to Curacao this September. :)

Ripley envy

I started a blog with high hopes of blogging about Revolutions Festival all the time. I have no idea why I thought I'd have time and energy to blog during the festival. How silly.

Speaking of the festival, I always think of February 1st as the start to the year. You know how you do that thing January 1st where you plan to start fresh? Eat better, hit the gym more, save money, clean the house, etc. I always start January eating gala cookies, drinking too much beer, not sleeping, etc. Once the festival is over, I make big plans to start fresh. Buy groceries, make healthy dinners, core mania, stay on a budget... the works.
I'm kinda doing it. Kinda. I'm also taking the downtime to be a little lazy. Saturday I woke up, made coffee and then I watched Alien. Later that day, I watched Aliens.

What a good day.

Also, Ripley is my hero.

Speaking of wanting to be Ellen Ripley, I am turning 40 this year. I'm looking forward to it. As time goes on, life gets better and better. I'm digging it. This whole living life thing. I was talking to Elsa the other day about looking ahead to the age of 40. Where do I want to be? How to I want to be? This past year was quite the eye opener. A lot of changes and self-realizations. I had to crack myself open. I had to look myself in the eye. I had to move.
So what kind of 40 year old do I want to be?
Open. Strong. Brave.
Creating. Traveling. Loving.
Less self-judgment. More forward movement.
I think the judgement thing is a big deal. I'm over it. Or working on it.

Aaron and I are planning a trip to Curacao to celebrate.
Husband and a tropical island.
Oh. Hell. Yes.

I will end with a story about my cat. Fry Pancakes is my boy kitty. He likes to pull everything out of my bag until he finds a hair tie. He will then cry and meow at it as he throws it around the house eventually getting it into his water bowl. I find hair ties in the water bowl most mornings.
I also go through a lot of hair ties.
Recently, he became obsessed with a stuffed raccoon which is actually my dog Shudek's toy. He cries and meows and throws it around the house and the other day he threw it into the toilet and then pulled it back out of the toilet.
It was gross.
What a weirdo.

Revolutions week two

If last night's welcome dinner was any indication, this is going to be a CRAZY week!

France and Mexico are in the house. Yo.

Last June, we (and by we I mean Tricklock) took our show Lullabies For My Father to Europe. We performed at the Passing the Flame festival in Belgrade, Serbia. The festival was part of DAH's 20 year celebration and they invited theatre artists from all over the world to come and perform at the festival. It was an amazing experience. There were a ton of incredible performances but the one that really stayed with me was Violetta Luna and SHE IS HERE AT OUR FESTIVAL! Hurrah!

Violetta has two shows. One is about the violence happening in Mexico and the other is about genetically engineered corn. When I read the description in the program I have to be honest, I was like a show about corn? No thanks. I went to the show about Mexico first and I was sobbing at the end of it. It was just profoundly moving.
Of course, after that I had to check out her corn show. I fucking loved it. Violetta plays with elements of clown and bouffon and she is able to do things with her body that I have never seen a human do. It is intense, powerful and shocking. I was sitting on the far side of the audience and there was a moment when almost the whole audience turned away in shock. I love, love, love this sort of thing. I can't wait to see it again.

In September, I went to LA to work the California International Theatre Festival and I had the amazing luck to work a show from France called Roadway Closed to Pedestrians.
OH MY GOD Y'ALL this show is so fabulous. Lilou, Clement and Francois are brilliant acrobats, clowns, mimes and musicians. Their show is so heartwarming and magical. I am beside myself that they are actually here.

Round out the week with 4 beautiful poets, the brilliant Brain Herrera's one man show, an amazing Loren Kahn puppet show and The Reptilian Lounge. This week is unstoppable.
Go to tricklock.com for more information about the shows.

I hope you will be there!
xo

Lucky girl

Hi all.

I have started a blog!
Whoot.

The first several will be inundated with Revolutions 2012. I am pretty excited about the upcoming week!!

I imagine you know me and are my friend and are checking my blog out. Hello friend.

If you don't know me, I am an artist with Tricklock Theatre in New Mexico. I am married to a writer/filmmaker/musician and he is the best guy in the whole world. We like to travel around the world and see stuff. I have two cats and a little dog and I loooove them.

I like to blog about my travels, my art, my friends, my critters and sometimes my crazy.

I hope you like it.