Unexpected

When I first heard that the conference was in Cleveland I was like, "meh."
I'd never been to Cleveland so basically I was just being a stuck up snoberella. Cleveland? Hmmmm...

You guys.
Cleveland is rad. It's a nice size. It's diverse. It's got a cool downtown. The food is pretty good. The people were SUPER nice. The architecture is lovely. And there's a great big beautiful lake.
Thanks Cleveland. I liked you a lot.

                                                                Cleveland

Also, I looked over the conference schedule and thought, "It's okay. I wish there was more international stuff." And then I went and had a really fabulous, inspiring time.
Thanks TCG. You're swell.

It's not like I'm all doom and gloom all the time.
But sometimes I focus a little too much on the trouble.
This is not working. There is not enough time in the day. I am behind. Why didn't this get done? Are we dysfunctional? This is a mess. What the hell is going on?
Oh holy Jesus we need some money. Bad. Like really bad. Like really, really bad.

My green monster would rear its head as people at the conference talked about their 1.5 million dollar budget and complained about shit. Oh no. Is your 1.5 million budget hard for you?
But then...
I'd see their green monster flare up as I talked about being an ensemble and creating together. Having a voice. Supporting the work. The morning we had the All Women meeting Hannah and I listened to stories of inequity and abuse in the work place. Women would turn to us and say, "What do you deal with in your company?" And I'd say, "In my company, none of this. The men support the women and vice versa. I am completed respected."
That took a moment.
I guess a giant budget doesn't fix it all. Who knew? Sometimes it takes an outside look to really see the inside.

                                                                    Lake Erie

On a totally different note, I really wish there were travel rules posted on planes and airports like at a swimming pool.

1. It is courtesy to let the person in the middle seat have the arm rests.
2. Wait your turn when exiting the plane. You let people out row by row.
3. Do not splay your legs into your neighbors area. Even if you are a man.
4. If people need the seat at the airport gate, move your bags and shit.
5. Walk efficiently because some people are racing to catch a plane.
6. Watch where you are going.

It's not that hard.

I guess I kind am a snoberella.

Old wizards

I am a sucker for those articles.
"FIVE THINGS YOU SHOULD DO IMMEDIATELY FOR A HAPPIER LIFE!"
"SEVEN THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW TO BRING MORE JOY TO YOUR WORK LIFE!" "THREE THINGS THAT WILL MAKE YOU SKINNY AND BEAUTIFUL FOREVER!"

I am totally that person who will click on the link to read about what to do. They are always the same. Drink water. Sleep well. Exercise. Eat vegetables. Be kind to people and animals. Don't sweat the small stuff. Etc. I still want the magic answer. I still think there is a wizard living in some mountain cave that I will stumble upon and this wizard will say DO THIS ONE THING and all the answers to life will be clear.

Not that I am unhappy. Actually the opposite. As a matter a fact, lately I have been the happiest I have been in a while. For a few years things were...ahem....challenging. Not in my personal life, I am the luckiest there, but in other aspects. As of late, things have been pretty damn good.
But I still seek the answers.

Yesterday, I was walking my dog. It was early in the morning and the start to a beautiful day. As I walked, I thought about an incident that happened several years ago. To be fair, it didn't just "happen" to me. I was a part of it happening. Anyhoo, I was rehashing the events, as I am wont to do from time to time when thinking about challenging events, and it came to me, "I would do things so different if that was happening today." I mean durr. Hindsight- of course you would do things different.
However, this was a different realization. This was a realization that I would do things different, in that moment, because I KNOW BETTER.

I think I may have found the magic. The answer. The elixir. It is called "getting older."

I know better because I know more. Several years ago I didn't have the courage. I didn't have the sense of self. I didn't have the knowledge. It's not like I suddenly know everything, but I do know a lot more. I trust myself more. I am more grounded. I understand. I see more clearly.

Getting older is awesome. I love this being 42 years old thing. It's amazing.

I'm sure I will hit a point when I wish I was 25. When I feel OLD. When I don't want to be getting older but right now, I think it is the greatest thing ever.

I don't do regret. Or I try not to. What can you do about it? You can apologize, forgive, let go, heal, learn, and make different choices. These are things you can do. You can't change the past. And you know what, sometimes people will never do these things back to you. You just have to do it for yourself.

I am growing out my grey hair. It's fabulous. Not the growing out part, growing out any hair color kind of sucks, but my grey hair is looking really cool. I can't wait until it is all grey.

                                                      Grey hair, giant sunglasses.

The older I get, the stronger I feel. I'm smarter. Or at least I know more things. I think about shitty things from just two years ago and I think, man...I just wouldn't let that happen now.

Also, I think maybe it is spelled gray. Isn't it gray in the US? Hmmmm...maybe I'm not smarter.

I do think I am a better version of me. I was probably cuter 20 years ago, but I sure do like myself better today than I did when I was 22. I don't judge myself so much. I do more things because I want to do them, not because I feel like I have to do them. I see things for what they are just a little bit easier. It's not so complicated. It's not personal. It is what it is.

I travel around the world and I am slightly invisible. I'm smarter about travel but I'm not edgy. An older woman I admire deeply named Marj told me that world travel as an older woman is the best. No one really notices you but you command respect for being an older woman. You made it this far! Congratulations! Be on your way!

A magic elixir called "getting older." I am drinking it up and loving it. 

I love you. You are beautiful.

We put the last person on a plane. I have eaten several meals that did not consist of cheese or cookies. I slept 8 hours.

Revolutions must be over. 

And what a Revolutions it was. 

I'll be honest, this was a tough festival. Sometimes it was a series of events beyond our control. Sometimes it was human error. Sometimes it was the nature of producing a festival. It just seemed like a lot of "sometimes" all at once. On the same day. Storm delay? Check. Technical problem? Check. Money not coming in when it was supposed to come in? Check. 

Yet somehow the show goes on. As it always does. I confided to a few close friends (all bigwigs in the business) that is was a challenging festival and all of them said, "You can't tell from the outside." That is perhaps the best compliment ever. 

                                      Rwangyezi Stephen guest teaching African dance at UNM

We held the first Theatre Without Borders/Revolutions Symposium. Artists came from all over the world to engage in a series of discussions about how we make theatre in the world. Colombia, Uganda, Palestine, Ukraine, The US, India, Israel, Iran. It was pretty remarkable. Our dear friend Stephen from Ndere in Uganda was here for two weeks. Georgina came from New York. Brian was back from Princeton. It was such an electric time.

                                               Theatre in Communities in Conflict

A couple of standout festival moments for me:

Mariana Sadowska from Ukraine spoke in one of the symposium discussions. She spoke passionately about what is happening in Ukraine right now. The piano that artists had rolled out into the square in front of a line of army guards and how the artists would play the piano for them night and day. She showed a video from her friend with her music that showed someone walking by a bombed out building on fire with a flag that said, "I love you. You are beautiful."
When the lights came up after the video, Iman, a director from Palestine had tears streaming down her face. She leaned over to Mariana and they hugged.

During the Telling New Mexico discussuion I was struck by the tenacity and creativity that lives in the New Mexico artist. This rough and tumble little state we live in is vibrant with ferocious and brilliant imaginations. Got a barn and a stool and a drum? Let's make some theatre. Every day I love this place more and more.

                                                    Some string and a room. Magic. 

I loved all the shows in one way or another but I will write about Hamlet Prince of Grief from Iran.
A loose adaptation of Hamet with one performer and a suitcase full of toys and household objects.
Oh did I mention the show is under an hour? It. Was. Brilliant. Afshim was an INCREDIBLE performer. The object manipulation was lovely and hilarious. The script was poetic and rich. The English translation was beautiful, I can only imagine if I understood Farsi. This is my favorite kind of theatre. I was sad when it ended.

Over and over again the love and connection the festival exudes was reflected back to me by symposium participants and festival artists.
"Are you guys always this kind and generous or will it stop when we leave?"
"I've never experienced a festival like this."
"This community is amazing."
Over and over.
It really was a simply magical experience.
Neal was right. Revolutions is a series of narrowly averted disasters that ends in something beautiful.

          Beau and Aero performing free at the library as part of AMP Concerts library series

Now how to carry it over into everyday life. Into the year of work. Into the relationships I have everyday. How to create that work and feeling and level of open hearts in every single day I have. Let's give that a whirl, shall we?
I love you. You are beautiful.

                                                     This is what joy looks like

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! I can't believe it is already 2015. Wowee.

                                    Puppy paws in the snow. A good omen for the new year. 

I feel like a lot of people had a rough 2014. I've heard people talk or seen posts on Facebook and it's all about GOOD RIDDANCE! Sorry if 2014 was a rough year for you. I hope 2015 is fantastic.

                                Here is a cute kitty. Cute kitties make everything good. 

This was a year of discovery. Some discoveries were hard. They were frustrating or disappointing. Some were great. Traveling to new places is always a good time.

                                                 I miss you when you are gone. 

The past 5 years or so have been a funny little roller coaster. Incredible success, experiences, and joy tempered with intense failure, betrayal, and loss. I suppose that is just life. Welcome to it. Up and down. Money is hard. Life is not always fair. People will let you down. So it goes...
What do I want for 2015? I want the discoveries from 2014 to become action and strategy. I want more adventure, more love, and more happiness. Less stress and struggle.

I think my New Year's resolution is to give more, seek more, and relax more.
Extend, search, and breathe.

                           I like this man a whole bunch. He makes my whole life extraordinary. 

Here we go 2015. I expect you to be amazeballs.

Happy