Monday, March 30, 2015

Old wizards

I am a sucker for those articles.
"FIVE THINGS YOU SHOULD DO IMMEDIATELY FOR A HAPPIER LIFE!"
"SEVEN THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW TO BRING MORE JOY TO YOUR WORK LIFE!" "THREE THINGS THAT WILL MAKE YOU SKINNY AND BEAUTIFUL FOREVER!"

I am totally that person who will click on the link to read about what to do. They are always the same. Drink water. Sleep well. Exercise. Eat vegetables. Be kind to people and animals. Don't sweat the small stuff. Etc. I still want the magic answer. I still think there is a wizard living in some mountain cave that I will stumble upon and this wizard will say DO THIS ONE THING and all the answers to life will be clear.

Not that I am unhappy. Actually the opposite. As a matter a fact, lately I have been the happiest I have been in a while. For a few years things were...ahem....challenging. Not in my personal life, I am the luckiest there, but in other aspects. As of late, things have been pretty damn good.
But I still seek the answers.

Yesterday, I was walking my dog. It was early in the morning and the start to a beautiful day. As I walked, I thought about an incident that happened several years ago. To be fair, it didn't just "happen" to me. I was a part of it happening. Anyhoo, I was rehashing the events, as I am wont to do from time to time when thinking about challenging events, and it came to me, "I would do things so different if that was happening today." I mean durr. Hindsight- of course you would do things different.
However, this was a different realization. This was a realization that I would do things different, in that moment, because I KNOW BETTER.

I think I may have found the magic. The answer. The elixir. It is called "getting older."

I know better because I know more. Several years ago I didn't have the courage. I didn't have the sense of self. I didn't have the knowledge. It's not like I suddenly know everything, but I do know a lot more. I trust myself more. I am more grounded. I understand. I see more clearly.

Getting older is awesome. I love this being 42 years old thing. It's amazing.

I'm sure I will hit a point when I wish I was 25. When I feel OLD. When I don't want to be getting older but right now, I think it is the greatest thing ever.

I don't do regret. Or I try not to. What can you do about it? You can apologize, forgive, let go, heal, learn, and make different choices. These are things you can do. You can't change the past. And you know what, sometimes people will never do these things back to you. You just have to do it for yourself.

I am growing out my grey hair. It's fabulous. Not the growing out part, growing out any hair color kind of sucks, but my grey hair is looking really cool. I can't wait until it is all grey.

                                                      Grey hair, giant sunglasses.

The older I get, the stronger I feel. I'm smarter. Or at least I know more things. I think about shitty things from just two years ago and I think, man...I just wouldn't let that happen now.

Also, I think maybe it is spelled gray. Isn't it gray in the US? Hmmmm...maybe I'm not smarter.

I do think I am a better version of me. I was probably cuter 20 years ago, but I sure do like myself better today than I did when I was 22. I don't judge myself so much. I do more things because I want to do them, not because I feel like I have to do them. I see things for what they are just a little bit easier. It's not so complicated. It's not personal. It is what it is.

I travel around the world and I am slightly invisible. I'm smarter about travel but I'm not edgy. An older woman I admire deeply named Marj told me that world travel as an older woman is the best. No one really notices you but you command respect for being an older woman. You made it this far! Congratulations! Be on your way!

A magic elixir called "getting older." I am drinking it up and loving it. 

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