Well...I just have no idea what to do

I'll be honest. This is a little scary.

Look. I just don't use Facebook to express my personal feelings.
My rage. My sadness. My loss.
I just don't.
A loved one's death.
A difficult divorce.
A health crisis.
A political situation.
I don't talk about how sad I am when a celebrity dies. I don't because I think it's fucking weird.
I was sad when I heard James Gandolfini died. I love The Sopranos. I felt like he was a friend.  I felt sadness. But I didn't KNOW him. I'm not going to post about how "heartbroken" I am. I didn't KNOW him. I have been heartbroken before. I was not this.
I have unfortunately had many people in my life die. Young people. Cancer, murder, accidents, suicide, heart attacks. All people gone too soon. I've watched people appropriate the pain. A distant acquaintance becomes a dear friend in death. I assume it is because they need a little extra to navigate the concept. Death is hard. It's sad. It's shocking, even when you prepare. You sit by the bed and look into their eyes. You say goodbye. They die. You sit by their dead body, under a sheet, you hold their cold hand. You say goodbye again.
It's still awful. It's sad. It's confusing. It's unfair.

It's also personal.

At least it is for me. I like to keep things close.

People get on Facebook and they talk about things. I don't so much. I push theatre stuff. I make a funny observation. I post travel photos. If I do open up, I try to keep it light.
I don't talk about the personal stuff.
A loved one's death.
A difficult divorce.
A health crisis.
A political situation.
The horrendous racism and injustice that is happening in my own country.

People are screaming. Some of them are asking that I scream too. Not overtly. No one has said, "Dammit Juli, do something for fuck's sake." but it's there. And not everyone is the same. People want different things, of course. But I do get the sense that people would like more.

So if you really want to know...
I am super angry. I think what is happening in our country is just disgusting. I think there is a huge group of people here in the good ol' USA that are just hateful, evil, psychopathic, racist, sexist, greed filled monsters. They are destroying things rapidly. And they are breeding more like them. They are creating some who move covertly through the landscape so they're harder to find. They criticize our super moderate president using words like economy and executive orders but really they just mean,
"I hate you because you are black."

And I'll be honest. I do not know what to do.

I make theatre. What is happening is making its way into the work. I hope this will make a difference. I run an international theatre festival that focuses on cultural exchange. I hope this will open hearts and minds and create world connection. I travel and try to connect with people. I teach. I write.

What else can I do? I'd be happy to protest (does this work?) I don't have very much money or I'd support foundations that help. I'd be be happy to write letters. I just...I don't know what to do.

What do we do?

Eurothalia

Back again, eh?

Every country is different. There is no doubt. 

I would never say Budapest is like Poland which is like Serbia which is like Romania. And yet...

there is an Eastern European thing. You just know when you are in Eastern Europe. It does have a feeling to it that exists nowhere else. 

                                                  I love the buildings. 

Timisoara, Romania. Attending the Eurothalia Festival. The director of the festival says, "The festival aims to depict instances from theatrical creation of the participating countries and at the same time facilitate the intercultural dialogue." That sounds kinda familiar. We have already seen several shows. One was totally great, three were quite good, and one was not my cup of tea. Really, for five shows, those are pretty good odds. Even the show that wasn't my favorite was deeply committed. There is no lack of energy, commitment, or strength here. Artists are not afraid. They are brave and adventurous. Always the best kind of artists. 

                                                           I love me a festival. 

There are quite a few other producers and critics here from around Europe but we are the only ones from the US. Yesterday the bus driver is speaking in Romanian saying, "Is everyone here? Are we ready to go?" (or this is what I assume he is saying) and Hannah and I hear, "Albuquerque? Are you here?" Yes. We are here. Ready to go. 

We made friends with a couple of German critics. Tall Matthias (they are both named Matthias) always comes up to us immediately after the show and wants to know what we think. Hannah had to explain to him that it is rude to speak critically in the lobby right after a show. She will tell him later, over coffee, when there is no chance for a performer to overhear in case she is maybe saying something that isn't glowing. 

This baffles him. Why would we not just say what we think? 

Why indeed?

Patricia, our artist liaison, worries and checks in with us. Yes, we are fine. We are good. Tired from jetlag, enjoying the food, getting around well, our flat is great, etc. What do we think of Romania? It is lovely, we say. Are we having any problems? No, no we are fine (I miss my husband but I don't think she can help me with that.) We start talking about sticking out. We are from the US. Do we look like we are from the US? We can tell that some people know. We tell her that it is our big hair and loud voices. She tells us yes. This is true. 

But, she says, also it is our perfect teeth. 

How interesting. Our teeth give us away. 

                                                      Pretty Hannah teeth. 

What are we doing here, you may ask? We are scouting for Revolutions shows, meeting new companies, networking with European writers and critics, and trying to create touring/teaching opportunities for Tricklock. 

How did we get here? We were invited and they bought us one plane ticket and gave us two festival passes. Then we wrote and received a small grant for the other ticket, housing, and a per diem. Hurrah for international travel grants! 

What are our plans? More shows, so many shows, like 25 shows. Dudes. There's a lot of theatre happening. Also, we are hoping to get up early one day and do a day trip to Transylvania. Because...RIGHT??? How rad would that be?? I need to see some castles. 

I'll write more again soon. After more shows and more adventures. 

                                             The National Theatre in the square. 

All good things... come in threes

I have been back in the States for 16 days and back in NM for 11 days. I guess I can't use jetlag as an excuse for fuck-ups anymore. It was good while it lasted.

I felt weird not completing my travel blog to the end.

Ahhhhh... New Mexico. It's starting to cool down a bit (just a bit.) I didn't miss all of the rain (yesterday was a great rainy day.) The smell of roasting green chile is in the air (yum.)
Fall in New Mexico is just the best.

So where did I leave off?

After the amazingness that is Krakow, we climbed into the van with our awesome driver Rafal and headed to Lanckorona, a small town southwest of Krakow. It is beautiful, of course.
Poland is beautiful. Got it.
Steep, winding cobblestone roads, sweeping views, valleys, meadows, and huge trees. Small cafes with excellent coffee. So charming.

                                         This was our backyard. I'm being serious.

                                              Our favorite Lanckorona cafe.

One morning, I woke up a little too early. I took my computer down to the cafe-the only place with (kinda) internet in town. It was too early and the cafe was not open yet, so I decided to hike to the castle ruins. Yes, with my stupid laptop in my bag (not my smartest move.) It was a beautiful and a lovely hike (straight fucking uphill. I actually had to stop once and rest and it was not very far. Lame.) Here I am:

                                    Yes, I know I look terrible. It was REALLY early. 


Side note, this weird thing has happened to me. I don't know if it is getting older or if it is being married. But I got up this day, left sleeping Aaron a note that I was at the cafe, and left. When the cafe was closed, I decided to do a hike. I got about halfway up and thought, "What if I die? No one knows where I am." When I was in my twenties, I was queen of the takeoff. After much pleading from my mom, I started at least giving her an area for my solo camping trips. I never used to worry about it. Sometimes something "scary" would happen, like a group of guys would camp by me and it would make me nervous (sorry dudes, just a thing you deal with as a single girl out alone) but I never really cared. Now I worry. I'm all alone what if something happens? I think I worry because I know Aaron would worry.

Back to the tour...
We ate dinner at an amazing place in Bukowina called Bury Mis. The food was delicious but the decor was incredible. It was a giant metal scrap sculpture gallery/steampunk ship of the future/magical land of dreams. No joke. It was just amazing. No photo would do it justice but here is a blurry one of the bathroom (my camera just couldn't hang with the lighting in this place.)

                                                   I wish my whole house was like this. 

                                                                     A little closer. 

I don't think I want to write much about the research/cultural exchange work we did. It will become the foundation of what I hope is a beautiful and moving international show. However for now, I think I'd like to hold on to it. I will say it was absolutely humbling and deeply profound to be invited into the home of a Romani family to share tea and coffee, songs and stories, and just simply be together. Also, the gallery and work that the lovely artist Gosia shared with us was breathtaking. It was a beautiful experience and I feel so lucky to have been a part of it.

Other things that happened:
An outside on the deck movie night. We watched Papusza as part of our research. The movie is mainly in Romani and the subtitles are in Polish so Piot and Daga had to translate as the movie went. This might sound annoying or weird but it was actually super cool. It was a lovely night of soup, beers, coffee, movies, and discussion.
We visited the Romani Museum in Tarnow, we lost Nando for a bit, Alex and Nando ran all over town trying to find the museum, we drank beers on our decks overlooking the valley, we took a walk with Piot and Nastka to pick berries, we participated in a super cool show for kids, and just generally had a great last week in Poland.

Whew. What a tour.

                                                    Action photo from the road!

Aaron and I finished out the trip by traveling to Washington to see our dear friends get married. Their wedding was on Orcas Island, which is where we honeymooned 8 years ago. We drove to Edmonds and did some life repair (i.e. laundry) and visited Shannon. Then we drive to Anacortes so we could catch the early morning ferry. We wandered around downtown Anacortes. I bought a book and Aaron found an awesome suit at a thrift store. We ate a late lunch at a place called Secret Cove which is right on the water with a wonderful view.
The next morning, we took the ferry to Orcas. Orcas is an absolutely amazing place. If you've never been- go. For reals. Just go. We went sea kayaking, wandered around the town, drove around the island, went to the top of Mt. Constitution to watch Amy and Jason get married, caught up with old friends at the reception on the lake, and had a nice morning at our fancy hotel with the gorgeous view. It was pretty okay.

                                           Kayaking is just the best thing ever. 

                             The view from the top of the mountain. Shut up! I know!

Of course there were problems. It's not all unicorns and fairies. Aaron and I had a couple of fights. It rained on us. We got lost. My feet hurt (why can't I ever find the perfect travel shoe??) Everyone had an "uhhhh...I think I maybe had too many beers last night" morning, Aaron and I got delayed coming home and had to spend a million dollars we did not have to rent a stupid hotel room in stupid Seatac so that we could catch the plane the next day. I cried. Aaron got mad. Delta was no help (Delta sucks y'all.)
But really- the trip was all pretty great. Everyday I am grateful that I am able to have these kinds of experiences. I feel so blessed.

I am back home and have hit the ground running. New show opens September 18th, classes at UNM started, and Revolutions is in full planning mode. After being home for 24 hours I had already set about 24 meetings. Yeesh. Tour/research trip complete. Thanks for being a part of the journey. If this blog is all over the map or weird- I blame jetlag.

Back at home with my new coffee cup I bought from the lovely ceramic maker in Lanckorona. 

Seawitch and the castle dragon!

I know I am flooding the internets with travel stuff. Sorry if it bugs. It's mainly for my parents
(hi mom and dad!)

Also, on a totally different note, I just read an article about GOT and Maisie Williams had some things to say about book readers versus show watchers and blah, blah, blah.... the best part is that the fifth comment down someone said "Hodor?" and then a bunch of people responded with "Hodor! Hodor, Hodor, Hodor, etc." It was awesome and made me laugh out loud.

Sorry Mom. That is a reference you won't know.

Shall I write about real things?

And so the next journey begins...

Today is our last day in Krakow. We've had a few days of site-seeing and relaxing. We leave for Lanckorona to start work on the the next show. It is the last leg of the trip. Here we go!

The show in Krakow was awesome. We had a brief moment before the show where we thought we were going to have to add a show after the show for all the people!!! But we squeezed everyone in.
We saw old friends, made new friends, and hung out at THE coolest little theatre pub ever. It had a hamster theme. Really.

                                                 Here is a hamster painting!

Tour portion of the trip, complete!!
Success!
All of my thanks to Hubert for his fabulous tour management. Hurrah!

A break in Krakow is the best break ever.
Here are a few random, go-nowhere thoughts:

Smart phones make international travel much easier. You're trying to explain in sign language to the cab driver that you need to go to the theatre and then realize you can just pull up Poltran and bam-
there you go guy.
I am glad that I traveled before smart phones. This is actually a group that gravitates towards the old fashioned anyway. Hannah and her maps (crumple map!!!!) Alex and his "this one guy told me this one thing while he was drunk about a cool place and so I'll just get half the directions and follow my instincts"
side note-this is really how Alex functions. Yesterday we ventured out with Alex as our guide to find a swimming lake we had "heard about" in a town outside of Krakow. Two blind faith bus rides, one wrong turn, a whole lotta walking later and we spent the day swimming in an amazing lake. And chasing weird fish that swim super close to the surface so you can just swim with them. It has been super hot and tour is hard work. A day at the lake was much appreciated.

Anyway, we use the phones of course but not as much as most people probably do. I am glad that I did a lot travel before phones. Forced to figure it out with the giant Lonely Planet book was a good way to spend my twenties and I can only assume made me who I am today.
An anxiety filled, bossy socks woman. Haha. Just kidding.
Kind of.
Here we are at the lake:

  We did do a lot of swimming. We started with standing around drinking beers though. 

Other adventures include walking around the square, sitting in parks, and visiting Wawel Castle. Wawel  is one of my favorite places. I can't imagine living in this city (well... I totally can and wish I did at times) and you're like, "I think I'll go for a walk by the FREAKING CASTLE!!!" Castles are awesome. They just are. Here is the sign for the Dragon's Den.

                                                     Oh man, I love the Dragon's Den.

We also do a lot of home cooking and game playing. Dixit is my new favorite game. Here is one of my favorite Dixit cards.

                                           I think this looks like Aaron's dreams.

We also do a lot of morning working from the flat. I love European windows. They open like doors. When I win the lottery, I will put them in my home. Here I am in one of them.

                                                         Bloggity blog.

I will end on a serious note.
Yesterday we went to Auschwitz and Birkenau. I have been to Auschwitz before. It was heartbreaking and stomach achingly powerful. The second time is probably more intense simply because you know a little about what to expect. Instead of being so overwhelmed, you can really focus on details. Also, we went right at opening, two hours before the tours start. Being in there alone allows for a different experience. In one block, I made an effort to look in the eyes of every prisoner photo that lined the wall.
See them. See them. See them.
I had never been to Birkenau and I am very grateful that I went. It is so, so, so enormous. It does a different thing to your perspective. Also, the barracks or "blocks" (basically long buildings) where people lived ("lived") have not been touched. Whereas at Auschwitz, the blocks have been turned into museum exhibits, in Birkenau they are just as they were. Also, at the end of the train track, there is a memorial which is quite moving. I am having a hard time finding the right words to describe it all. I'm probably making someone mad right now by my choice of words or by even writing about it in a blog where I also wrote about hamsters. Sorry if you are mad. I can't be anyone but who I am.
At two moments when I was alone I took a photo. It felt weird but I did it. Here they are.

                                                                     Birkenau

                                                              Memorial 

All I can say is that it is a place everyone should visit. It does something to your soul.
There is a lot of hate in the world right now.
Stop the hate people.
Please, please, please stop the hate.

The 505 Polish connection

Seriously. If we didn’t love New Mexico so much we might not come back. 

Send for our loved ones, our critters, our things and just make a cozy home here in Poland. 

You are being so good to us, Poland. We love you.

Opened in Warsaw last night. Again, assumed a very small house. Again, a very good house. We had a fantastic show. I think we have found the balance of articulation and gesture in a foreign country with our style that works. We have started playing more. Throwing in Polish words as they fit. Finding moments in the show that are new. It was so much fun. Also, this is the first theatre we have performed in that had pure, total darkness. Everywhere else has had some sort of light bleed. This place was pitch dark. It took some time to get used to but once I did it was rad. 

                                       Alex and Aaron ready for the show

The audience really seemed to like the show. They laughed a lot  and their energy was amazing. After the show, as so happens in Poland I find, people stuck around and we all talked and drank and laughed and connected. People had lovely things to say to us about the show. I met some awesome people and we had a fantastic night.

                                                          Hi Poland.

A few other things along the way…

The train ride to Warsaw wasn’t as awful as I thought it was going to be. 

OF COURSE someone had the one lone seat in our compartment of eight seats. An older man maneuvered his way around all of our luggage to sit by the window and read his paper and eat his sandwich. He was a good sport. Aaron and I spent most of the ride standing in the hall sticking our faces out the window.

There are way more espresso machines in Poland than I remember. This is very good for me as the Nescafe that is usually served is just not my favorite. I always miss a few things when I am abroad. I miss cold water (really cold drinks in general are not that common.) I miss good ol’ US of A breakfast. Yesterday for breakfast I had soup. It was a sort of mushroom soup with pieces of sausage and a hard boiled egg sliced into 4 pieces. It was totally delicious. I also often miss coffee. Nescafe is common around the world. Drip coffee not as much. The coffee here seems better than some of my past experiences. It’s pretty yummy.

Let's see... what else? Oh! We went to a show called Persona Marilyn. It was awesome and weird and cool and fun. Polish theatre fun times. 

                                               Theatre in Warsaw

My Polish vocabulary is better than it has ever been. I hope to be at 100 words when we leave. I am at about 35. I am learning my numbers right now. Hubert is a great teacher. And he laughs a lot at my pronunciation.

Oh. Did I tell you that there were some Albuquerque folks in the audience last night? That is crazy true. We’re walking out and these dudes were like, 

Hi. We live in Albuquerque.

It was bananas.

Today is a day off. We have to strike and pack and then we are going to the Uprising Museum. Tomorrow is an early train to Krakow. KRAKOW!!! I can’t wait. 

                       Szczecin. Alex is returning a chair we borrowed for the show. 

Dziękuję

Wow. What an amazing start to our Polish tour.

We are in Szczecin, a beautiful Polish town. It’s not hard to be beautiful in Poland. It’s simply a lovely country. I highly recommend a visit.

We performed in an art gallery. A huge room with metal and glass everywhere. A wonderful photo installation on the walls. It gave an incredible feeling to our mental hospital. Our set looked amazing in there. 

 Happily putting together the table.

We really did not expect a big crowd. We have a few friends in Szczecin. Hubert (our Polish tour manager) has some friends. The gallery told a few folks, but our PR in Szczecin was light. And really, it is July. That means holiday. People are out of town or at least have gone away for their Sunday fun. Since the space wasn’t a proper theatre, we could set it up as we wanted. We put out a small amount of cushions and chairs. Perfect, we thought.

                                                       Polish translation.

Nando, Hannah, Drew, and I are all standing in a back room waiting for our places call. We just keep seeing Alex and other gallery people coming back and getting chairs. And more chairs. And more chairs. And more chairs. I'm not kidding. Alex comes back and warns that there is a big group on the side and they’ll be able to see backstage so we need to keep it hidden as best we can. Okay Alex.

Our tiny and weird show played to maybe its biggest house yet. Thanks Poland. You are awesome. Today is a day off and tomorrow we head to Warsaw. Not a bad start.

                                                      Day off. I slept in a bit. 

I guess our official start was last week. New York was great. I am so thankful and humbled by the enormous New Mexico showing. New Mexico rocks you guys. What a bunch of fabulous people. I made up a song about the awesomeness of New York/Mexico. Neither of which are very new, but they are both pretty cool. 

The people at Standard Toykraft where we performed were also rad. I could have spent all day in their puppet workshop staring at their amazing creations. 

Thanks New York. You were super swell. 

Some other things along the way...

We managed all of our set bags on a very packed train, so I am optimistic for the rest of the train travel. 

                                               Oh my.  That is a lot of bags. 

Aaron, Drew, and Nando got monkey dogs (long hot dogs stuffed in a bread tube) and went to a movie.

I have climbed a lot of stairs. 

Pierogi is delicious (so it is good there are stairs everywhere.)

We had a rooftop party.

                                                               Rooftop party.

                                                               Polish hospitality.

It turned into an impromptu dance party.

Nando is probably the best dancer in the whole world.

There is a little wiener dog who lives close by and his owner walks him to the park often. It makes me miss my little Shudek dog. 

Aaron makes the Polish girls giggle. He goes up to the clerk or the server or whatever and he says, "Dzien Dobry!" and then he says other things and then I hear "hee-hee-hee-hee." He's quite the charmer that one. 

                                                                    Charming.

I have to walk some chairs we borrowed for the show back over to another theatre and then go have dinner on the river. More soon. 

Peace.

Little

Where are you from?

I find this to be a very interesting question. What do you mean from? Where I was born? Where I grew up? Where I call home? Where I go for the holidays?

Why do you ask? Are you trying to figure out my accent? What kind of food I might like? My religious or political leanings? Or maybe just who I am?

When people ask me this, I often say something like, "I'm from a lot of places." My husband Aaron says it is because I don't want to deal with the ramifications of saying , "I am from Texas." People have a lot of opinions about Texas. I do as well, good and bad. But while I was born in Houston, we moved away when I was five years old. Five. Years. Old. That is little. Here are the things I remember: a flood (my mom got mad when I put my face in the water running down the street- she probably knew then that I was crazy about water), eating dog food from my dog Shag's bowl (I thought it was cool because my dog Shag was cool. My mom let me know it was not cool), and playing with friends. Then we moved.

Minnesota. Montana. Colorado. New Mexico. Washington. And small bursts all around. Does a summer in Massachusetts count? How about a month or so in Baltimore? Or chunks of time travelling across Europe? Don't get me started on the travelling and how much that has affected who I am.
Where the hell am I from?

I am currently in Denver. I'm working a job out here. Staying with my cousin Dave. He's a free spirit. An outdoorsy type. He hikes and travels and climbs mountains. When I was little, I thought he was soooooo cool (still do.) He moved in with us when we lived in Littleton, Colorado. We moved here from Montana when I was nine. He stayed after we moved away. Got a job in Denver, bought a house, and has been exploring the great outdoors ever since.The facility I have to report to for this job happens to be in Littleton. I had no idea it was going to be so close to where I lived for a bit of time. So, yesterday I decided to drive by my old house and the neighborhood.

It was really weird.

Maybe everyone thinks about middle school (it was called junior high for me 'cause I am a bit old) as a not so awesome place. Ah... to be twelve. Gross. Hormones and awkward and bodies and boys and girls and feelings and...yuck. I suppose it is all kinda hard. But I had epilepsy. Yep. That thing where you have seizures and stuff. My epilepsy was mild. Mainly what they called petite mal seizures (you stop and just stare) but still, it sucked. If you ever want to be cool, it is in middle school and having seizures is never cool. Also, in 1983 epilepsy was still pretty strange. I mean, they weren't throwing me into the lake to see if I would float, but it was not awesome. Kids were mean. Teachers were dicks. Doctors tried but sometimes they were distracted. Parents did the best they could but it was hard and they also had to take care of a sensitive younger brother.

I learned to be weird in Littleton.

My parents are cool. My dad's a writer and an artist. My mom is progressive and outspoken, especially about women's rights. I wasn't in a household full of uptight conservatives. But they are "normal". No tattoos, no crazy stuff, good jobs, follow the rules, my mom often reminds me she has never even had a PARKING TICKET!

I, however, am a little bit weird.

And I think Littleton made me weird. Not because it embraced me but because it spat me out. It pushed against me. I was too little too understand, but I was different. I was struggling. I am certainly not trying to stereotype an entire town but Littleton just wasn't into weird. Aaron always says he wished I had gone to his middle school in Albuquerque. He says, "At Jefferson, we would have taken you in. We loved freaks."
Now, I am a grown-up and I let all that middle school shit go a long time ago but for years it hurt. It hurts to be different. To be made fun of. To struggle. To feel bad about yourself. Fuck you Littleton! You were mean to me! When I realized that I was right by my old school, I decided to get out and look at it.

                                            It looks exactly as I remember it. 



Where am I from? What city defines me? I would never say I am from Littleton, Colorado but I guess I am a little bit. I am who I am in a large part because of what I experienced here.

Where are you from?

I am from Texas. I am bbq, lakes, motorcycles, big gardens, chickens, the first time I heard that Jesus loves everyone (thank Grandma Etheridge), and family.

I am from Minnesota. I am ice skating, re-enacting Little House on the Prairie, bikes and big falls, first snow, and learning to say "you guys" not "y'all".

I am from Montana. I am dirt bike riding, eating a bug for a dollar, and not understanding why I can't go to a slumber party with 5 boys (My mom let me go after all. I mean, come on, they were my best friends!)

I am from Colorado. I am dragging my brother out of the creek after a sled accident, first kiss by a boy who looked like Ricky Schroeder, summer camp, and having a hard time that feels as though there is no end  to the hard time.

I am from Washington. I am searching, finding, hiking, learning, and wondering. .

I am from New Mexico. I am creating, leaving, coming back, growing, open hearts, a different kind of family, falling in love and getting married.

I really am from a lot of places. I guess we all are.

                     The old house. Houses that are not made of adobe look weird to me now.