Unexpected

When I first heard that the conference was in Cleveland I was like, "meh."
I'd never been to Cleveland so basically I was just being a stuck up snoberella. Cleveland? Hmmmm...

You guys.
Cleveland is rad. It's a nice size. It's diverse. It's got a cool downtown. The food is pretty good. The people were SUPER nice. The architecture is lovely. And there's a great big beautiful lake.
Thanks Cleveland. I liked you a lot.

                                                                Cleveland

Also, I looked over the conference schedule and thought, "It's okay. I wish there was more international stuff." And then I went and had a really fabulous, inspiring time.
Thanks TCG. You're swell.

It's not like I'm all doom and gloom all the time.
But sometimes I focus a little too much on the trouble.
This is not working. There is not enough time in the day. I am behind. Why didn't this get done? Are we dysfunctional? This is a mess. What the hell is going on?
Oh holy Jesus we need some money. Bad. Like really bad. Like really, really bad.

My green monster would rear its head as people at the conference talked about their 1.5 million dollar budget and complained about shit. Oh no. Is your 1.5 million budget hard for you?
But then...
I'd see their green monster flare up as I talked about being an ensemble and creating together. Having a voice. Supporting the work. The morning we had the All Women meeting Hannah and I listened to stories of inequity and abuse in the work place. Women would turn to us and say, "What do you deal with in your company?" And I'd say, "In my company, none of this. The men support the women and vice versa. I am completed respected."
That took a moment.
I guess a giant budget doesn't fix it all. Who knew? Sometimes it takes an outside look to really see the inside.

                                                                    Lake Erie

On a totally different note, I really wish there were travel rules posted on planes and airports like at a swimming pool.

1. It is courtesy to let the person in the middle seat have the arm rests.
2. Wait your turn when exiting the plane. You let people out row by row.
3. Do not splay your legs into your neighbors area. Even if you are a man.
4. If people need the seat at the airport gate, move your bags and shit.
5. Walk efficiently because some people are racing to catch a plane.
6. Watch where you are going.

It's not that hard.

I guess I kind am a snoberella.

Old wizards

I am a sucker for those articles.
"FIVE THINGS YOU SHOULD DO IMMEDIATELY FOR A HAPPIER LIFE!"
"SEVEN THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW TO BRING MORE JOY TO YOUR WORK LIFE!" "THREE THINGS THAT WILL MAKE YOU SKINNY AND BEAUTIFUL FOREVER!"

I am totally that person who will click on the link to read about what to do. They are always the same. Drink water. Sleep well. Exercise. Eat vegetables. Be kind to people and animals. Don't sweat the small stuff. Etc. I still want the magic answer. I still think there is a wizard living in some mountain cave that I will stumble upon and this wizard will say DO THIS ONE THING and all the answers to life will be clear.

Not that I am unhappy. Actually the opposite. As a matter a fact, lately I have been the happiest I have been in a while. For a few years things were...ahem....challenging. Not in my personal life, I am the luckiest there, but in other aspects. As of late, things have been pretty damn good.
But I still seek the answers.

Yesterday, I was walking my dog. It was early in the morning and the start to a beautiful day. As I walked, I thought about an incident that happened several years ago. To be fair, it didn't just "happen" to me. I was a part of it happening. Anyhoo, I was rehashing the events, as I am wont to do from time to time when thinking about challenging events, and it came to me, "I would do things so different if that was happening today." I mean durr. Hindsight- of course you would do things different.
However, this was a different realization. This was a realization that I would do things different, in that moment, because I KNOW BETTER.

I think I may have found the magic. The answer. The elixir. It is called "getting older."

I know better because I know more. Several years ago I didn't have the courage. I didn't have the sense of self. I didn't have the knowledge. It's not like I suddenly know everything, but I do know a lot more. I trust myself more. I am more grounded. I understand. I see more clearly.

Getting older is awesome. I love this being 42 years old thing. It's amazing.

I'm sure I will hit a point when I wish I was 25. When I feel OLD. When I don't want to be getting older but right now, I think it is the greatest thing ever.

I don't do regret. Or I try not to. What can you do about it? You can apologize, forgive, let go, heal, learn, and make different choices. These are things you can do. You can't change the past. And you know what, sometimes people will never do these things back to you. You just have to do it for yourself.

I am growing out my grey hair. It's fabulous. Not the growing out part, growing out any hair color kind of sucks, but my grey hair is looking really cool. I can't wait until it is all grey.

                                                      Grey hair, giant sunglasses.

The older I get, the stronger I feel. I'm smarter. Or at least I know more things. I think about shitty things from just two years ago and I think, man...I just wouldn't let that happen now.

Also, I think maybe it is spelled gray. Isn't it gray in the US? Hmmmm...maybe I'm not smarter.

I do think I am a better version of me. I was probably cuter 20 years ago, but I sure do like myself better today than I did when I was 22. I don't judge myself so much. I do more things because I want to do them, not because I feel like I have to do them. I see things for what they are just a little bit easier. It's not so complicated. It's not personal. It is what it is.

I travel around the world and I am slightly invisible. I'm smarter about travel but I'm not edgy. An older woman I admire deeply named Marj told me that world travel as an older woman is the best. No one really notices you but you command respect for being an older woman. You made it this far! Congratulations! Be on your way!

A magic elixir called "getting older." I am drinking it up and loving it. 

I love you. You are beautiful.

We put the last person on a plane. I have eaten several meals that did not consist of cheese or cookies. I slept 8 hours.

Revolutions must be over. 

And what a Revolutions it was. 

I'll be honest, this was a tough festival. Sometimes it was a series of events beyond our control. Sometimes it was human error. Sometimes it was the nature of producing a festival. It just seemed like a lot of "sometimes" all at once. On the same day. Storm delay? Check. Technical problem? Check. Money not coming in when it was supposed to come in? Check. 

Yet somehow the show goes on. As it always does. I confided to a few close friends (all bigwigs in the business) that is was a challenging festival and all of them said, "You can't tell from the outside." That is perhaps the best compliment ever. 

                                      Rwangyezi Stephen guest teaching African dance at UNM

We held the first Theatre Without Borders/Revolutions Symposium. Artists came from all over the world to engage in a series of discussions about how we make theatre in the world. Colombia, Uganda, Palestine, Ukraine, The US, India, Israel, Iran. It was pretty remarkable. Our dear friend Stephen from Ndere in Uganda was here for two weeks. Georgina came from New York. Brian was back from Princeton. It was such an electric time.

                                               Theatre in Communities in Conflict

A couple of standout festival moments for me:

Mariana Sadowska from Ukraine spoke in one of the symposium discussions. She spoke passionately about what is happening in Ukraine right now. The piano that artists had rolled out into the square in front of a line of army guards and how the artists would play the piano for them night and day. She showed a video from her friend with her music that showed someone walking by a bombed out building on fire with a flag that said, "I love you. You are beautiful."
When the lights came up after the video, Iman, a director from Palestine had tears streaming down her face. She leaned over to Mariana and they hugged.

During the Telling New Mexico discussuion I was struck by the tenacity and creativity that lives in the New Mexico artist. This rough and tumble little state we live in is vibrant with ferocious and brilliant imaginations. Got a barn and a stool and a drum? Let's make some theatre. Every day I love this place more and more.

                                                    Some string and a room. Magic. 

I loved all the shows in one way or another but I will write about Hamlet Prince of Grief from Iran.
A loose adaptation of Hamet with one performer and a suitcase full of toys and household objects.
Oh did I mention the show is under an hour? It. Was. Brilliant. Afshim was an INCREDIBLE performer. The object manipulation was lovely and hilarious. The script was poetic and rich. The English translation was beautiful, I can only imagine if I understood Farsi. This is my favorite kind of theatre. I was sad when it ended.

Over and over again the love and connection the festival exudes was reflected back to me by symposium participants and festival artists.
"Are you guys always this kind and generous or will it stop when we leave?"
"I've never experienced a festival like this."
"This community is amazing."
Over and over.
It really was a simply magical experience.
Neal was right. Revolutions is a series of narrowly averted disasters that ends in something beautiful.

          Beau and Aero performing free at the library as part of AMP Concerts library series

Now how to carry it over into everyday life. Into the year of work. Into the relationships I have everyday. How to create that work and feeling and level of open hearts in every single day I have. Let's give that a whirl, shall we?
I love you. You are beautiful.

                                                     This is what joy looks like

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! I can't believe it is already 2015. Wowee.

                                    Puppy paws in the snow. A good omen for the new year. 

I feel like a lot of people had a rough 2014. I've heard people talk or seen posts on Facebook and it's all about GOOD RIDDANCE! Sorry if 2014 was a rough year for you. I hope 2015 is fantastic.

                                Here is a cute kitty. Cute kitties make everything good. 

This was a year of discovery. Some discoveries were hard. They were frustrating or disappointing. Some were great. Traveling to new places is always a good time.

                                                 I miss you when you are gone. 

The past 5 years or so have been a funny little roller coaster. Incredible success, experiences, and joy tempered with intense failure, betrayal, and loss. I suppose that is just life. Welcome to it. Up and down. Money is hard. Life is not always fair. People will let you down. So it goes...
What do I want for 2015? I want the discoveries from 2014 to become action and strategy. I want more adventure, more love, and more happiness. Less stress and struggle.

I think my New Year's resolution is to give more, seek more, and relax more.
Extend, search, and breathe.

                           I like this man a whole bunch. He makes my whole life extraordinary. 

Here we go 2015. I expect you to be amazeballs.

Happy

Well...I just have no idea what to do

I'll be honest. This is a little scary.

Look. I just don't use Facebook to express my personal feelings.
My rage. My sadness. My loss.
I just don't.
A loved one's death.
A difficult divorce.
A health crisis.
A political situation.
I don't talk about how sad I am when a celebrity dies. I don't because I think it's fucking weird.
I was sad when I heard James Gandolfini died. I love The Sopranos. I felt like he was a friend.  I felt sadness. But I didn't KNOW him. I'm not going to post about how "heartbroken" I am. I didn't KNOW him. I have been heartbroken before. I was not this.
I have unfortunately had many people in my life die. Young people. Cancer, murder, accidents, suicide, heart attacks. All people gone too soon. I've watched people appropriate the pain. A distant acquaintance becomes a dear friend in death. I assume it is because they need a little extra to navigate the concept. Death is hard. It's sad. It's shocking, even when you prepare. You sit by the bed and look into their eyes. You say goodbye. They die. You sit by their dead body, under a sheet, you hold their cold hand. You say goodbye again.
It's still awful. It's sad. It's confusing. It's unfair.

It's also personal.

At least it is for me. I like to keep things close.

People get on Facebook and they talk about things. I don't so much. I push theatre stuff. I make a funny observation. I post travel photos. If I do open up, I try to keep it light.
I don't talk about the personal stuff.
A loved one's death.
A difficult divorce.
A health crisis.
A political situation.
The horrendous racism and injustice that is happening in my own country.

People are screaming. Some of them are asking that I scream too. Not overtly. No one has said, "Dammit Juli, do something for fuck's sake." but it's there. And not everyone is the same. People want different things, of course. But I do get the sense that people would like more.

So if you really want to know...
I am super angry. I think what is happening in our country is just disgusting. I think there is a huge group of people here in the good ol' USA that are just hateful, evil, psychopathic, racist, sexist, greed filled monsters. They are destroying things rapidly. And they are breeding more like them. They are creating some who move covertly through the landscape so they're harder to find. They criticize our super moderate president using words like economy and executive orders but really they just mean,
"I hate you because you are black."

And I'll be honest. I do not know what to do.

I make theatre. What is happening is making its way into the work. I hope this will make a difference. I run an international theatre festival that focuses on cultural exchange. I hope this will open hearts and minds and create world connection. I travel and try to connect with people. I teach. I write.

What else can I do? I'd be happy to protest (does this work?) I don't have very much money or I'd support foundations that help. I'd be be happy to write letters. I just...I don't know what to do.

What do we do?

Eurothalia

Back again, eh?

Every country is different. There is no doubt. 

I would never say Budapest is like Poland which is like Serbia which is like Romania. And yet...

there is an Eastern European thing. You just know when you are in Eastern Europe. It does have a feeling to it that exists nowhere else. 

                                                  I love the buildings. 

Timisoara, Romania. Attending the Eurothalia Festival. The director of the festival says, "The festival aims to depict instances from theatrical creation of the participating countries and at the same time facilitate the intercultural dialogue." That sounds kinda familiar. We have already seen several shows. One was totally great, three were quite good, and one was not my cup of tea. Really, for five shows, those are pretty good odds. Even the show that wasn't my favorite was deeply committed. There is no lack of energy, commitment, or strength here. Artists are not afraid. They are brave and adventurous. Always the best kind of artists. 

                                                           I love me a festival. 

There are quite a few other producers and critics here from around Europe but we are the only ones from the US. Yesterday the bus driver is speaking in Romanian saying, "Is everyone here? Are we ready to go?" (or this is what I assume he is saying) and Hannah and I hear, "Albuquerque? Are you here?" Yes. We are here. Ready to go. 

We made friends with a couple of German critics. Tall Matthias (they are both named Matthias) always comes up to us immediately after the show and wants to know what we think. Hannah had to explain to him that it is rude to speak critically in the lobby right after a show. She will tell him later, over coffee, when there is no chance for a performer to overhear in case she is maybe saying something that isn't glowing. 

This baffles him. Why would we not just say what we think? 

Why indeed?

Patricia, our artist liaison, worries and checks in with us. Yes, we are fine. We are good. Tired from jetlag, enjoying the food, getting around well, our flat is great, etc. What do we think of Romania? It is lovely, we say. Are we having any problems? No, no we are fine (I miss my husband but I don't think she can help me with that.) We start talking about sticking out. We are from the US. Do we look like we are from the US? We can tell that some people know. We tell her that it is our big hair and loud voices. She tells us yes. This is true. 

But, she says, also it is our perfect teeth. 

How interesting. Our teeth give us away. 

                                                      Pretty Hannah teeth. 

What are we doing here, you may ask? We are scouting for Revolutions shows, meeting new companies, networking with European writers and critics, and trying to create touring/teaching opportunities for Tricklock. 

How did we get here? We were invited and they bought us one plane ticket and gave us two festival passes. Then we wrote and received a small grant for the other ticket, housing, and a per diem. Hurrah for international travel grants! 

What are our plans? More shows, so many shows, like 25 shows. Dudes. There's a lot of theatre happening. Also, we are hoping to get up early one day and do a day trip to Transylvania. Because...RIGHT??? How rad would that be?? I need to see some castles. 

I'll write more again soon. After more shows and more adventures. 

                                             The National Theatre in the square. 

All good things... come in threes

I have been back in the States for 16 days and back in NM for 11 days. I guess I can't use jetlag as an excuse for fuck-ups anymore. It was good while it lasted.

I felt weird not completing my travel blog to the end.

Ahhhhh... New Mexico. It's starting to cool down a bit (just a bit.) I didn't miss all of the rain (yesterday was a great rainy day.) The smell of roasting green chile is in the air (yum.)
Fall in New Mexico is just the best.

So where did I leave off?

After the amazingness that is Krakow, we climbed into the van with our awesome driver Rafal and headed to Lanckorona, a small town southwest of Krakow. It is beautiful, of course.
Poland is beautiful. Got it.
Steep, winding cobblestone roads, sweeping views, valleys, meadows, and huge trees. Small cafes with excellent coffee. So charming.

                                         This was our backyard. I'm being serious.

                                              Our favorite Lanckorona cafe.

One morning, I woke up a little too early. I took my computer down to the cafe-the only place with (kinda) internet in town. It was too early and the cafe was not open yet, so I decided to hike to the castle ruins. Yes, with my stupid laptop in my bag (not my smartest move.) It was a beautiful and a lovely hike (straight fucking uphill. I actually had to stop once and rest and it was not very far. Lame.) Here I am:

                                    Yes, I know I look terrible. It was REALLY early. 


Side note, this weird thing has happened to me. I don't know if it is getting older or if it is being married. But I got up this day, left sleeping Aaron a note that I was at the cafe, and left. When the cafe was closed, I decided to do a hike. I got about halfway up and thought, "What if I die? No one knows where I am." When I was in my twenties, I was queen of the takeoff. After much pleading from my mom, I started at least giving her an area for my solo camping trips. I never used to worry about it. Sometimes something "scary" would happen, like a group of guys would camp by me and it would make me nervous (sorry dudes, just a thing you deal with as a single girl out alone) but I never really cared. Now I worry. I'm all alone what if something happens? I think I worry because I know Aaron would worry.

Back to the tour...
We ate dinner at an amazing place in Bukowina called Bury Mis. The food was delicious but the decor was incredible. It was a giant metal scrap sculpture gallery/steampunk ship of the future/magical land of dreams. No joke. It was just amazing. No photo would do it justice but here is a blurry one of the bathroom (my camera just couldn't hang with the lighting in this place.)

                                                   I wish my whole house was like this. 

                                                                     A little closer. 

I don't think I want to write much about the research/cultural exchange work we did. It will become the foundation of what I hope is a beautiful and moving international show. However for now, I think I'd like to hold on to it. I will say it was absolutely humbling and deeply profound to be invited into the home of a Romani family to share tea and coffee, songs and stories, and just simply be together. Also, the gallery and work that the lovely artist Gosia shared with us was breathtaking. It was a beautiful experience and I feel so lucky to have been a part of it.

Other things that happened:
An outside on the deck movie night. We watched Papusza as part of our research. The movie is mainly in Romani and the subtitles are in Polish so Piot and Daga had to translate as the movie went. This might sound annoying or weird but it was actually super cool. It was a lovely night of soup, beers, coffee, movies, and discussion.
We visited the Romani Museum in Tarnow, we lost Nando for a bit, Alex and Nando ran all over town trying to find the museum, we drank beers on our decks overlooking the valley, we took a walk with Piot and Nastka to pick berries, we participated in a super cool show for kids, and just generally had a great last week in Poland.

Whew. What a tour.

                                                    Action photo from the road!

Aaron and I finished out the trip by traveling to Washington to see our dear friends get married. Their wedding was on Orcas Island, which is where we honeymooned 8 years ago. We drove to Edmonds and did some life repair (i.e. laundry) and visited Shannon. Then we drive to Anacortes so we could catch the early morning ferry. We wandered around downtown Anacortes. I bought a book and Aaron found an awesome suit at a thrift store. We ate a late lunch at a place called Secret Cove which is right on the water with a wonderful view.
The next morning, we took the ferry to Orcas. Orcas is an absolutely amazing place. If you've never been- go. For reals. Just go. We went sea kayaking, wandered around the town, drove around the island, went to the top of Mt. Constitution to watch Amy and Jason get married, caught up with old friends at the reception on the lake, and had a nice morning at our fancy hotel with the gorgeous view. It was pretty okay.

                                           Kayaking is just the best thing ever. 

                             The view from the top of the mountain. Shut up! I know!

Of course there were problems. It's not all unicorns and fairies. Aaron and I had a couple of fights. It rained on us. We got lost. My feet hurt (why can't I ever find the perfect travel shoe??) Everyone had an "uhhhh...I think I maybe had too many beers last night" morning, Aaron and I got delayed coming home and had to spend a million dollars we did not have to rent a stupid hotel room in stupid Seatac so that we could catch the plane the next day. I cried. Aaron got mad. Delta was no help (Delta sucks y'all.)
But really- the trip was all pretty great. Everyday I am grateful that I am able to have these kinds of experiences. I feel so blessed.

I am back home and have hit the ground running. New show opens September 18th, classes at UNM started, and Revolutions is in full planning mode. After being home for 24 hours I had already set about 24 meetings. Yeesh. Tour/research trip complete. Thanks for being a part of the journey. If this blog is all over the map or weird- I blame jetlag.

Back at home with my new coffee cup I bought from the lovely ceramic maker in Lanckorona.